I Stand All Amazed

I have been a little down for the last few days. Baggage. Lots and lots of baggage. The kind of baggage that is so heavy it breaks brand new luggage (attempting to bring workout equipment back to Costa Rica.) The kind of baggage that gets left behind and lost when Customs searches your bag and fails to close it back up. The baggage you have to clean and sort through when you move, for the 6th time in two years. Even with all that moving I still end up with THE PILE. You know that stupid pile, when you get to the end. There is always a shoe box worth of stuff that is just too difficult to manage and it finds a home in the ' junk drawer.' Today, as I finish unpacking my last box, I have no junk drawer. I got rid of the pile all the way to the last broken crayon.

Perhaps it is all this physical baggage I have been dealing with over the last week, or it could be the spiritual renewal I received going through an extrordinary experience with a family member last week that has caused me to reflect, but I have found myself running inventory of my emotional baggage. I decided to visit my spiritual/emotional junk drawer. The sad or negative energy that I have not been able to let go of for some reason or another and instead made a little PILE to store away in a junk drawer in my heart. I have to admit, it has been a bit painful and has made me extremely cranky.

There is one particular experience in my personal junk drawer that I have gotten out many times over the years. I have looked at it, relived it, prayed over it and still have not been able to find a place to put it, so it went back into the drawer in my heart. The spiritual experience I shared with my family member last week gave me the courage to look at it, hopefully, once and for all. I was ready to receive and give forgiveness completely so that the experience could come full circle, transforming into a process that has helped me learn and grow. The very next day I received a letter from a friend offering words about the experience that were like rain after a long droubt. It was love from a friend, and love from God. Heavenly Father answered my prayers. Of course for the process to be complete I am going to send off a letter too, one that I have written many times over but never sent. He is so acutely aware of us, it is almost unbelievable. The words come to my mind, "I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me. Confused at the grace that so freely he offers me...."